Like most MMA fans, I've spent a good deal of time wishing I was one of those modern day gladiators we call fighters. Now, I don't really want to be an MMA fighter. My cardio is shit, and more importantly, I don't relish the idea of getting my head kicked in on television.
Mostly, I just want to walk down the ramp to the octagon with crowd cheering me on. I've thought a lot about how that walk would go. I've really thought about my entrance music. I think I have it down to two songs.
So in honour of this weekend's Elite XC fight, here are my would-be MMA entrance themes.
The Main Event
In the blue corner, from Queens, New York, the man who took his rap money and invested in a delicious sports drink, FIDDY CENT!
Everybody knows Fiddy's story by this point, so there's no reason for me to get redundant.
In fact, I'm not going to write anything at all. This song makes me insane. It's so good. I love how intentionally obnoxious it is.
Two lines for you to think on:
"Have a baby by me, baby/be a millionaire/I'll write the cheque before the baby comes/who the fuck cares?"
and
"Get a tan?/I'm already black/Rich?/I'm already that."
Wow.
The Competition
In the red corner, from Chicago, Texas, Belgium and various other places, THE REVOLTING COCKS!
The Revolting Cocks are basically just Al Jourgensen from Ministry and a rotating cast of other musicians. Rumour has it the band was named by an angry bartender. Jourgensen and some of his buddies were being tossed from a bar in the early '80s. As the bartender ejected them, he called them "a bunch of revolting cocks."
I have an odd relationship with Ministry. I never got as into them as most of my friends did, but I love all of Jourgensen's non-Ministry side projects (The Cocks, 1,000 Homo DJs). It's just his main band I'm sort of indifferent to.
This is The Revolting Cocks cover of Rod Stewart's "Do Ya' Think I'm Sexy." I have a feeling like there's a fighter who's already used this as entrance music, but I could be wrong. I know Jenna Jameseon used to strip to it when she feature danced. (I read that in her autobiography.)
As always, you should comment to vote, votes are due by midnight on Friday.
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3 comments:
Frigg man I don't know. I know what my song would be "Teenagers" by MCR...well it would be that if I could have an entrance song into my classrooms. On the other hand I feel that some rap might be better for your song so I go with I Get Money.
At first I thought that there was little point in me watching these videos before voting, because really, how could Revolting Cocks lose? If I voted for 50 cent over the Revolting Cocks then there would be something seriously wrong with the world. The world would have to be crazy!
Now true enough, I did just go see an Opera last night, so maybe something is wrong with the world.
But halfway through 50 Cent's song I suddenly realized that this isn't a competition for which song I like best, which video is best, or which video has the hottest bitches grinding (also known as 'the usual criteria') but which song would be best for your entrance music and I realized that maybe 50 Cent did have a chance. I quickly realized that your beautiful ass jiggling to this track might be a site indeed.
Of course, the Revolting Cocks track is pretty good, but as it happens, is probably one of my least favourite ones.
When I weigh them both against each other, I think 50 cent and his booty shakin' beat manages to pull slightly ahead of the Revolting Cocks, and win by a nose in this category and so that's where my vote goes.
I guess the world is crazy after all.
Fiddy.
Dude got shot NINE TIMES.
How many times has Al Jourgensen been shot?
I thought so.
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